FML

ya right wait u mean in game or in real life?

lol! ha u got penis on you.

pkiller1662 wrote:

Today, was my wedding. After eating, I had an urge to fart. I let one rip just before my husband and I were called to do the garter dance. He seductively tried to use his teeth to remove the garter and came out from under my dress dry heaving. I dutch ovened my husband in front of everyone. FML

what the crap

lol, wtf.

lol, ya FYL, thats terrible.

soo lol!

Today, I went to meet my girlfriends parents for the first time. I accidently drove past their house the first time, but saw the whole family outside waiting to meet me. I pulled a U-Turn and heard a thud. The whole family watched me run over their dog. FML

LMAO no way

so lolololol.poor dog.

Dude there's a lot.
And there all hilarious.
>.<

pkiller1662 wrote:

Dude there's a lot.
And there all hilarious.
>.<

u ought to post them all they make me laugh so hard lol

me too.

Today, my fiance's parents visited. I keep chickens for their eggs, and his parents own a farm, so we had a connection. They told us to leave the house while they cooked us dinner. When we returned, we faced two steaming plates of chicken. My chickens. I'm a vegetarian. They had names. FML
#896114 (351)I agree, your life sucks (107467) - you totally deserved it (10569))


Today, I hooked up with this guy i really like for the first time. After, we were laying in bed listening to music. When the song finished he leaned over and said, "You know what you and that song have in common?" I smiled and said, "What?" He replied with, "You just got played, get out of my bed." FML
#2840271 (486)I agree, your life sucks (106064) - you totally deserved it (16292)
On 06/12/2009 at 8:25pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)


Today, I came home to find my mum on the phone to the doctor. When she hung up I asked what had happened. She said they found an STD in my bloodtest, and then she began to call me a ****. I'm 14, and am still a virgin. After 5 mins of crying, she tells me she was joking. FML
#1081499 (251)I agree, your life sucks (105496) - you totally deserved it (4400)
On 04/18/2009 at 9:36am - health - by tamber (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)


Today, my gf and I were planning to have dinner plans at 6. I called her at 6:09 asking where she was [i was at the restaurant waiting] and she said "I'm at mcdonalds with jessica.. call u later?" I then had to get my waiter to tell him to remove the ring from the dessert so I could go home. FML
#804941 (224)I agree, your life sucks (105066) - you totally deserved it (3020)
On 04/04/2009 at 7:42pm - love - by anonymous (woman) - United States (Illinois)


Today, I was fooling around with my girlfriend for the first time. She put her hand on my penis over my jeans and said "Get hard for me." I was hard. FML
#364382 (133)I agree, your life sucks (105043) - you totally deserved it (14031)
On 03/15/2009 at 11:20pm - misc - by illequipt - Canada (Ontario)


Today, for the first time ever, a woman saw my penis. I am 30 years old. The woman was my doctor. She snorted to cover a laugh and apologized. FML
#904646 (290)I agree, your life sucks (104778) - you totally deserved it (10793)
On 04/10/2009 at 5:40pm - health - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Virginia)


Today, I opened my mail to find my Brown acceptance letter. Excited, I showed my dad who just laughed and said 'what, it's not like it's Harvard'. No one in my family has ever gone to college. My dad didn't even graduate from high school. FML
#717063 (215)I agree, your life sucks (103519) - you totally deserved it (2901)
On 03/31/2009 at 12:05am - misc - by killme (woman) - United States (Texas)




Today, I heard my boyfriend of 3 months talking with his friend, not knowing I could hear them. "Tonight's the night," my boyfriend says. "I'm finally going to tell her I love her!" I got really excited, deciding i loved him too. Then his friend says, "Awesome! But what about Kayla?" I'm Kayla. FML
#530298 (126)I agree, your life sucks (102064) - you totally deserved it (3985)
On 03/22/2009 at 1:14pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Michigan)


Today, I got a phone call saying I was no longer a bridesmaid for a wedding in June. It's my mom's 4th wedding. I'm getting replaced by our dog. FML
#400930 (110)I agree, your life sucks (101908) - you totally deserved it (5185)
On 03/16/2009 at 10:41pm - misc - by Noname - United States (California)


Today, a 7 year old girl randomly came up to me and told me to **** myself. I told her to watch her language or else I'd tell her parents. Her mom happened to be nearby and actually heard this conversation, she came up to me and told me to **** myself as well. FML
#696283 (464)I agree, your life sucks (101468) - you totally deserved it (7194)
On 03/30/2009 at 1:06am - kids - by Wmsys32pr9 (man) - United States (Washington)


Today, I turned 18. Nothing was said at breakfast, but I figured they'd remember and we'd have cake at night. I came home and there was cake, but not for me. My sister got her period for the first time during the day and they were celebrating. Apparently, a vaginal discharge was more important. FML
#1080035 (284)I agree, your life sucks (101243) - you totally deserved it (2928)
On 04/18/2009 at 4:49am - health - by Legal (man) - United States (Hawaii)


Today, I called my fiance and found out she is 9 weeks pregnant. I had been in Iraq for over 6 months. I also found out her and her new boyfriend already spent most of my $30,000 re-enlistment bonus on a new car and a trip to Las Vegas. FML

Today, I got stoned at a party for the first time. On the drive home I sat at an intersection waiting for the green light for few minutes. I finally realized the green light was never coming. So did the cop behind me. I was at a stop sign. FML
#97546 (125)I agree, your life sucks (6690) - you totally deserved it (42925)
On 02/21/2009 at 4:57pm - misc - by Dani (woman) - United States (California)


Today, I found out the gift card my friend gave me for Christmas actually has no money on it and was never purchased in the first place. FML
#6958051 (42)I agree, your life sucks (15502) - you totally deserved it (1054)
On 12/26/2009 at 3:48pm - misc - by DeannaMarie - United States (Florida)


Today, I finally got my nametag. I had been using other people's names like Maria and Caie for a week, so I was happy to be called my own name. I put it on and got to work. Ten minutes later, I was called into the office. I got laid off. I got to wear my nametag for 10 minutes. FML
#2733384 (64)I agree, your life sucks (33975) - you totally deserved it (1804)
On 06/08/2009 at 10:07pm - misc - by nametag (man) - Canada (Ontario)


Today, I was talking to my mom about when I have kids. I told her I may want two or three. She immediately cut me off and told me to stick to one, and that any more than that will be a burden. I am the second born child of my family. FML
#5035693 (56)I agree, your life sucks (26696) - you totally deserved it (1794)
On 09/04/2009 at 2:30am - misc - by pandabear93 - United States (Arizona)


Today, a little girl came up to me and said "Hi, my name is Lindsey, lets be friends!". I thought she was cute so I played along and said "Okay! My name is Jen!" Her Reply: "Wait, nevermind, I don't want to be friends anymore. You smell funny." FML
#2002110 (66)I agree, your life sucks (35204) - you totally deserved it (7220)
On 05/17/2009 at 12:33am - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)


Today, I spilled my heart out to a guy by showing him one of my poetry journals. He read through it and said, "Wow, I feel sorry for the guy you wrote about." The poems were all about how I loved him. FML
#4747171 (88)I agree, your life sucks (18013) - you totally deserved it (4236)
On 08/22/2009 at 10:41pm - love - by storyofmylife (woman) - United States (Oregon)


Today, I got this HUGE package at my college dorm from my parents with candy, chips, canned soup and all these goodies. When I called my mom to thank her, she replied "We got rid of your cat, Annie". FML
#22256 (35)I agree, your life sucks (24001) - you totally deserved it (986)
On 02/10/2009 at 8:44pm - misc - by melissae (woman) - United States (Illinois)


Today, my friend told me men can't be trusted. I told her that wasn't true; I have my husband's password to his email but I never check it because I trust him. She bet me he was doing something bad, and to prove her wrong I looked. Turns out he has been cheating on me for 8 months. FML
#7316250 (98)I agree, your life sucks (24091) - you totally deserved it (2637)
On 01/13/2010 at 7:40am - love - by BetrayedGirl (woman) - United States (Tennessee)


Today, an old lady came to the bank where I worked at to apply for a loan. She obviously didn't qualify for one as she has no income coming in. She looked so pitiful, so I changed a couple of her information so she could. She reported me and I got fired. FML
#4785631 (207)I agree, your life sucks (13432) - you totally deserved it (32584)
On 08/24/2009 at 2:38pm - misc - by NoThanks (woman) - United States (Missouri)


Today, I went to this meditation center which my mom suggested to get mental peace as I have been hating my job and life for some time now. I drove for an hour and then walked around in scorching Indian sun for 2 hours trying to locate the damn place. I got lost and returned home angrier than ever. FML
#4758974 (60)I agree, your life sucks (21193) - you totally deserved it (4271)
On 08/23/2009 at 2:33pm - misc - by zboy_123 (man) - India (Haryana)


Today, I awoke to find a giant turd on my carpet, cat hair everywhere in my room, and a big hole in my window screen. I don't own a cat. FML
#5863047 (63)I agree, your life sucks (22360) - you totally deserved it (931)
On 10/17/2009 at 7:13am - misc - by Ethan (man) - United States (California)


Today, I found out the hard way that my boyfriend occasionally wets the bed. He's 25 and we're moving in together next month. FML
#7998625 (103)I agree, your life sucks (14980) - you totally deserved it (1742)
On 02/08/2010 at 12:41am - love - by mmvv - United States


Today, I was laying down on my couch. My friend IM's me on my laptop to watch a video. It turned out that the video was one of those scary pop up's. I got so scared I dropped my laptop. The screen had a big crack. FML
#2273828 (118)I agree, your life sucks (31883) - you totally deserved it (6477)
On 05/25/2009 at 12:48pm - misc - by OrlandoZ6 (man) - United States (New Jersey)


Today, I went on a romantic date to the mountains to look a stars with a boy I had just met. We started kissing and he stopped, asking if it was rude for him to take me home now. After getting dropped off, he texted me saying we could never do that again and we should never talk about it. FML
#5210857 (170)I agree, your life sucks (33233) - you totally deserved it (3064)
On 09/12/2009 at 5:26pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Utah)


Today, I received the newspaper from my hometown. My ex-husband's wedding announcement and picture were on the front page. His new wife has the same first name as me. All my Facebook friends from high school commented on how much weight I've lost and how good I look in my wedding photo. FML

wow.

ye you see dude i cnt post all ill just post some a day, the ones that are funny

o ok.

srry to be off topic but you should apply for a mod.

Oh and thanks for repping me i rep you back:D

Yeah I should but BaddBoyy keeps saying he wont let me because he thinks i work for MOMO and im like wth
Im not Mistakens **** >.<

ya, i know you, you are not with momo, i got banned thier on purpose :O.

Hmm i have to come up with a plan on how to get a new psp. Lol i need to get my picture back lol brb

picture back?

lol my picture frilly didnt likemy softcore pic of tori black and wanted me to change it lol

what?

I had a picture of that sexy chick named toriblack, shes hot. lol add me BOOB

wow lol.

Today, I forgot to do my French homework, but since it was an online worksheet, I told my teacher my internet wasn't working. I told her with an e-mail. FML


LMAO I LUVH THIS ONE

lol! ur on the internet when it was down, lol.

Lol god werr bored, lol 31 post already

Today, I slept over at my friend's house but forgot my glasses. When I woke up in the morning, I came out of his room and forcefully kicked what I thought was a soccer ball on the floor. Turns out it was his miniature poodle - it fell down a long flight of stairs. FML

Today, I went to dinner with my boyfriend. After we ordered, I started to unzip his fly really slowly. As i put my hand in his boxers he stands up to greet his mom and dad who were joining us for dinner. FML

Today, I came home and saw on our fridge, "Please don't drink anymore, I really worry about your health" written by my 7-year-old daughter. I figured she wouldn't ever find out, so I opened the fridge. But I found another note on a can that said "So you're going to drink anyway?" FML

Today, I had to come back home early from my holidays. Why? I had asked my grandmother to water my plants, some of which are illegal. Instead of doing it herself, she asked her neighbor... who is a cop. FML

Today, I was on my way home when I saw a cop hiding behind a Budget truck. I immediately slowed down and prayed that he wouldn't give me a ticket. Then I realized I was walking. FML

more please more

Today, my brother thought it would be funny to shoot a roman candle at my balls. FML

Today, when I opened the door to the basement, the lights were already on. Annoyed, I yelled out, "Why does everyone leave the lights on down here?" Then, unthinkingly, I turned off the lights and started walking down the stairs. Not only did I trip down the stairs, but when my niece came to see if I was alright, she fell too. FML